Chubby & Charming

I used to like my life. I thought I had it all. Or at least all I expected as a fat woman. I had a great set of friends, a job I enjoyed, and my place. I was on my way to buying a new car and I was happy.

And then I met him.

Xander Carlson.

The man who turned my life upside down.

I know, you think I’m being foolish. Everyone wants a man in their life, right? Women all just want someone to take care of them? Well, not me. I wanted to do it myself. I was a strong woman who could take care of herself. I never pictured my life with a man.

Maybe because I never thought anyone would want me.

Okay, not maybe. Definitely.

I grew up fat. Pictures from when I was little reminded me of that whenever I visited my parents, and their display of family photos throughout the ages. My brother loved to remind me of it, too. In one particular picture of me at three years old, I was wearing a yellow bathing suit and lying in one of those plastic pools. My brother said I looked like a beached whale.

Yeah, he’s an asshole.

He’s also right. I hate to admit it, but my weight seemed to be genetic and uncontrollable. It became something I just accepted because if I’d always been fat then I always would be fat. Eh, no big deal.

Like I said, I was happy. It didn’t matter to me that I never had men chasing me. I saw my friends go through problems with men and took comfort in knowing I never had to deal with all that.

Not to say I didn’t have boyfriends or dates. I did, but it usually was something short-lived. One of us realized we weren’t right for each other. Eventually, I decided dating was more trouble than it was worth. Whenever I went out with someone, I made sure it was a purely physical thing or just a friend’s thing.

But I didn’t need men as friends. I had three awesome female friends that kept my life fun.

Claire was my closest friend. She and I went to high school together in Winterville, New York. Claire was thin in high school but started gaining weight after her high school boyfriend raped her. Claire never really got over it.

How could you?

I was there for Claire, but watching her go through something so horrible and then hide behind her weight was tough. Especially when I knew how skinny Claire could be. Sometimes I thought she wasted her body because if I could have been skinny I would have. But then I remembered that fat was fun and I ate another cupcake.

Claire and I met Sam and Addi in college. We all went to Erie University, also in Winterville. As cold as the town was, it was home and I could never bring myself to leave.

Sam and Addi are also overweight. The four of us lived near each other in the dorm our freshman year and hit it off. We were among the only ones not running out to frat parties and bars every night. We would sit around the dorm and watch chick flicks and bake brownies.

There’s a reason we became close friends.